First Step to Authentic Manhood: Looking Back

Well, it's been a couple of weeks since I last posted and I do apologize for that. But I am back to expound on some of the experiences I've had during my journey through Men's Fraternity. During session 3, we were challenged to take a look back over our lives and a statement stuck out to me and it was this: "The unexamined life is not worth living." I have always been huge on introspection because often times, my own mind was the only company I ever had. The main problem I had for a long time is that I didn't allow myself to feel anything but anger because otherwise I felt shame for things that I had no control over. It wasn't until about a year and a half ago that I allowed myself to feel the pain of what I went through as a kid. And man was it hard to fully deal with emotions I didn't fully understand. What was sadness and grief? Growing up and raising a brother and sister....I didn't have time for those emotions.

Robert brought a couple of main points about the observations looking back. For a long time, I felt so alone but I had to realize that my story is not unique and I am not alone as a man. Another is that an absent dad leaves a hole in the boy's psyche and very few men every want to lift that manhole cover to deal with the junk floating by underneath. Many guys have yet to reckon with their past or close out the unfinished still left there. The absent father doesn't guide us to deal with the hurt and pain so we shut it out and don't deal with it. One thing that struck home is this..."Denying your feelings rather than grieving over your pain is not manhood, it's boyhood." I had to step up to the plate and allow myself to be broken and accept the help of others. "You cannot become a real man without help. There is no such thing as a 'self-made man'." One of the greatest truths that was spoken in this session was that "we may be products of the past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it...unless we choose to be."

Through the help of friends around me (namely Eric) I have come to accept who I am as a man and though I may make mistakes, I am becoming confident in who I am. That I think is one of the greatest struggles for many men in the world today. Feeling that they are men and confident in their conviction of that truth.

Faces of Manhood

I am currently going through the first stage on a program called Men's Fraternity. In our second session we discussed the four faces of Manhood: the King, the Warrior, the Lover, and the Friend. One of the things that we learned in the first week is that manhood is in a state of confusion. I can see this clearly, especially in my life, as I've discussed and reflected on my past and where I am today.

I would say that out of all the faces, I can identify most with the Warrior (initiative, protecting, providing, perserverance, and fighting) because that's all I've known most of my life is the constant battle to survive. My weakest face would definitely have to be the King because I never grew up believing that I was worth anything to anyone. I never had a King in my life to show me how to be a man....how to have righteous leadership. I believe that I have strong convictions and a servant's spirit but I have always struggled with making courageous moral choices. Until the last two or three years, I had no idea how to be a Lover or a Friend because I didn't have time to learn. Eric has taught me what it's like to have another male affirm me as a man and be willing to grow next to me, giving and willing to receive affirmation and constructive criticism.

This journey over the next year is definitely going to be a rough road, but I think that I will come out on the other side a stronger and better man for it. I am looking forward to being able to grow and live life with other men around me. One of the cool things about Men's Fraternity is that you have the videos and then you break it down in your small groups and get a chance to discuss what you've watched and just life in general. It's been amazing to watch other men open up and get real with what's going on. People always say that men are typically simple creatures and we have simple needs but I think it is an over generalization or maybe the fact that men are so complex at times, we don't know how to discuss our intimate desires and concerns. Who knows? I look forward to writing about what I learn over the next year.